Lately, I've been reading lots of posters on Pinterst with quotes on taking leaps of faith, or taking chances. They are so motivating and encouraging, but actually making the choice to take a chance is terrifying.
I am a planner and organizer.
Priscilla Chang does not take chances usually, and very rarely is spontaneous. Mostly, because I am a chicken. I am cautious, and afraid the unknown. But lately, I am quite the opposite. How did this become of me? There have been a few times in my life that I drastically changed planned things for myself.
When I was in second grade, I said I wanted to be a teacher. I did a whole project on, "when I grow up...", and I was confident in my decision to be a teacher. I committed to that decision to the point that I actually applied to Elementary Education programs for college when I was deciding colleges when I was 17 years old. I got accepted to colleges for education programs, and had even taken extra curricular classes on child development. I love being around kids, I am good with kids, and I truly enjoy their company. But all of a sudden, I began to think, "what if being around kids somehow feels like 'work', and I ended up resenting something I enjoy?" I also knew I wanted to do something that involved me using my creative side. So instead, I went to community college for the first couple years, and majored in food service management in a culinary arts program. My plan drastically changed. I was following another passion. Food and arts were something I enjoyed, and probably got that love from my dad. He was, of course, happy for my desicion. But when I realized how difficult, and competitive being a chef actually was, I focused on the managerial part of the culinary arts. I went back to what I know best, planning & organizing, and using the logical part of my brain. Most chefs were married to their work, and I had bigger plans for myself. I guess in that back of head, I knew I wanted more.
I then stilled followed my career in hospitality management, and got my bachelors in science in that. I was good at it, and I stuck with it because it was confronting and stable. I also began making confectionary cakes, and started to love designing them and making them unique. For me, that's was when I got to express my artsy creative side. But of course, I had a full time job, and cakes remained my hobby.
I started to fill an emptiness as far as my career. I was stuck in a corporate job I didn't enjoy. I somehow got stuck doing sales, I used my creativeness for events like for floral arrangements, or invites for clients, but that was like 10 percent of the time. I was still in charge of catering, but it didn't feel the same way it used to. When they told me my job would then be eliminated, I felt a sense of relief because I was looking for a way out. But also a sense of fear, "what will I do now?" But then, they offered me another managerial job in a different department. I would still be on salary making the same, the amount of hours would remain the same, but my job description would change.( and not in a good way) All of a sudden, as they say, the ball was in my court. I had to make a decision, the part I'm not good at. "Could we afford me not working?" We just bought a house, and a new car so having a stable job would help. Ralph was so great, and encouraged me to follow my passion, except I wasn't exactly sure what it was. I declined their offer. What was next? I had no idea.
I started to fix up my house, I then started to figure out a lot of my likes. I loved interior design, and DIY projects. I have also known that fashion is one of my loves. I have always sketched designs in classes, and that's how I focused. I was an innovated one. What kind of things are out there for me? I didn't know, but I followed my passions. I fixed up my house, I started this blog, and took chances when normally I would be timid to do so. I applied to an internship that I almost didn't apply to. It was creative, fun, and in Los Angeles. I normally would not apply because I would convince myself of all the reasons I shouldn't. Ralph said, "You should do it!" I then of course began saying, "What if they say I'm not experienced", or " What if I'm not the kind of 'creative' they are looking for?" I guess I wouldn't know until I tried. I had nothing to lose. Yet, I had everything to gain. I got the internship being me. Sometimes I wonder why I psych myself out. When they say, "you are your worst enemy", that is absolutely true. It's like I put myself down before anyone gets to, even though no is putting me down. I have this guard up, and could potentially miss these chances, these blessings. These days, I'm on to something. Not sure what path it's going to take me, but I'm doing something. I left comfort, and took the less traveled route. I'm thankful I get to because these chances don't happen by chance. Sometimes you have to go out and conquer them.
Xoxo, Priscilla
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