Monday, August 17, 2015

30


30 weeks pregnant. Does it scare me? A little bit. I think it's becoming more real that everything is going to change. I feel like in a way I'm counting down to Ralph and my alone time that I'm so used to. But I also know that this kid is going to be an all kind of new adventure, but at the moment it's so hard to imagine when we both haven't ever experienced this kind of change. We are so used to doing our own thing, going here or there without any worries, and I know things won't be quite the same. Lots more planning.

The other thing that scares me is how unprepared I am. For anyone that knows me, this is soooo very unlike me. I'm a planner when it comes to important things. And being a mom has been something I've always wanted and dreamed of. I am naturally nurturing and love being around kids, but I feel like with all the renovations that were going on in my house, I haven't mentally prepared myself for whats coming soon. And I don't even have a nursery ready. What?!? So much to do in the next 10 weeks. I slowly started thinking about the nursery, and we finally did a baby registry this last weekend. It felt a bit better, but also overwhelming. I know there are some things we need, like a crib, car seats, ect. And I saw a ton of things I wasn't sure if it was really necessary, or what brands are better than others.  So many options, it's hard to even know if what I'm choosing is even right. Maybe my brain is just not functioning in the same full throttle sort of way. Oh, pregnancy brain!  

And speaking of pregnancy brain, who knew this whole thing is real. I constantly have to remind myself about doctor appointments, or write down something I plan on doing or else I will completely forget. I also am so much more emotional. I'm so touchy with the dumbest things, I kind of hate it. I try not to act on it, and if I did I probably wouldn't have the friendships or relationships I have because I just want to tell him how hurt or annoyed I am by them. And it's just me being super sensitive. I feel like I suddenly became more needy, but only on my terms. It's insane. I even cried over my granite being backed up by 2 weeks, and vented to Ralph. Poor guy. But for the most part, I have control of these emotions so I don't seem like a crazy person all the time.

Thankfully, we are just about done with our kitchen, and  I'll be able to focus more on baby. I definitely have remembered I'm pregnant, but I also have been distracted with other things that it has made this go by quicker than usual. I feel like I need more time to really soak it all in (minus all the emotions). Except there's no way of giving it more time, this kid is coming soon whether we're ready or not. I'm confident it will all fine and come together. This planner girl is just surprised how it's all played out. Besides all that crazy part, I'm just super excited to meet this kiddo who makes me so happy. It may sound like it, but I am. Pregnancy has just played out differently with how prepared I am not, or how my brain would be so irrational. But the whole experience of having a baby grow and live inside of you is seriously the best thing ever. I love feeling his little kicks, and punches. I like that he already lets me know when it's time to eat, or he's uncomfortable in a certain position. I like that I'm already taking care of him, and that I really do love him more and more everyday. I love that he is an outcome of our love. I love praying for the boy, and man he will be. I just get excited just thinking of all the fun things we will get to show him.

C'mon next 10 weeks, bring it on.  Ready to meet our baby boy, Jonah.


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